So *that's* how to phrase it.

From bruceb's comments on his recent post:

Part of the framework is just this, the idea that it's people's responsibility suck up whatever crap you want to dish out because you've got a right to dish it out. The beginning of a sane response is that we ought not to dish out crap we wouldn't dished on us, and that it is no surprise when others respond as we might in the face of a comparable challenge.

I am reminded of comments from Miss Manners along the lines of how she does not want to make etiquette enforceable by law, and the difference between how you're allowed to act and how you should[1] act.
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[1] As a rule, I try really really hard not to use this word. Nonetheless, at this moment, it seems appropriate.