Hallowe'en, Hallowe'en
Oct. 31st, 2004 02:15 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
green_dreamsPre-Hallowe'en party. Card games. Some neat people.
I understand the importance of maintaining a detached and neutral attitude in political discussions--this is not to say it's necessary, merely frequently helpful--but when someone says they'd vote against Bush but they hope he gets in because he'll fuck up the US and it'll be good for the Canadian economy I have brief and transient fantasies of shotguns which are not duct-tape covered props.
Someone I hadn't seen in years asked me how I'd been, and it kind of all just hit me at once--graduated, got job, dead parent, murderously intense jealousy, thousands-of-dollars worth of sick cat, sister opened store, three-day ST confidence fuck-up, moved parent, landlord squabbles, repainting apartment, lost job[1], imminent roommateness of SO--and I couldn't think of anything to say. I have his e-mail, I will get in touch with him.
This whole future thing is terrifying me. I'd prefer an oncoming train--what worries me is the long slow slide away of time and energy and focus until I wake up at thirty-two and realize I never picked anything to focus on and my chances are gone and my leeway's used up and I'd better stop this silly flitting around with daydreams of being an artist and get my sorry ass into a cubicle. Or two.
Someone I hadn't seen in months told me I was going to write a wonderful book someday. I think that was the highlight of the party timespan for me, really. He's rather prone to extravagent confidence in other people, and I'm quite sure he was under the influence, but it was very good to hear.
NaNoWriMo in twenty-one-and-a-bit hours. Tried to rework things a bit on the outline, got bogged down, will refocus after sleep. I'm spending far too much damn time worrying about picking a gender for Brice and Kelly; Zed's always been female, Morgan really has to be male, and while it doesn't matter for Whisk I don't really see any reason to change her. Stupid oversensitive sociopolitical conscience...
---
[1] Yeah, okay, not lost. More like casually not-renewed.
I understand the importance of maintaining a detached and neutral attitude in political discussions--this is not to say it's necessary, merely frequently helpful--but when someone says they'd vote against Bush but they hope he gets in because he'll fuck up the US and it'll be good for the Canadian economy I have brief and transient fantasies of shotguns which are not duct-tape covered props.
Someone I hadn't seen in years asked me how I'd been, and it kind of all just hit me at once--graduated, got job, dead parent, murderously intense jealousy, thousands-of-dollars worth of sick cat, sister opened store, three-day ST confidence fuck-up, moved parent, landlord squabbles, repainting apartment, lost job[1], imminent roommateness of SO--and I couldn't think of anything to say. I have his e-mail, I will get in touch with him.
This whole future thing is terrifying me. I'd prefer an oncoming train--what worries me is the long slow slide away of time and energy and focus until I wake up at thirty-two and realize I never picked anything to focus on and my chances are gone and my leeway's used up and I'd better stop this silly flitting around with daydreams of being an artist and get my sorry ass into a cubicle. Or two.
Someone I hadn't seen in months told me I was going to write a wonderful book someday. I think that was the highlight of the party timespan for me, really. He's rather prone to extravagent confidence in other people, and I'm quite sure he was under the influence, but it was very good to hear.
NaNoWriMo in twenty-one-and-a-bit hours. Tried to rework things a bit on the outline, got bogged down, will refocus after sleep. I'm spending far too much damn time worrying about picking a gender for Brice and Kelly; Zed's always been female, Morgan really has to be male, and while it doesn't matter for Whisk I don't really see any reason to change her. Stupid oversensitive sociopolitical conscience...
---
[1] Yeah, okay, not lost. More like casually not-renewed.
