Slice of life.

[green_dreams]

When beginning to hash out the crudest basics of wedding logistics, a great and harsh truth was revealed to me:

John gets to wear black. And I don't.[1]

Additionally, half of most everything I find on this sort of thing when casually browsing runs along the lines of "Get out of the way of the bride!" "The bride knows what she wants!" "Years of planning and dreaming!" "Beware the wrath of Bridezilla!"[2] and I'm thinking I did not get this memo.

I'm supposed to plan this? I should have a Pavlovian response to white lace and bells? There were meant to be notebooks covered with little hearts from back in grade school? Am I honestly expected to look at wedding dresses and have my first thought not be "That would probably be pretty in black"?
---
[1] Yes, I know I *get to* wear black, shave my head, and do anything short of exchanging ring fingers instead of rings.[3] That's not the point.
[2] I didn't actually see this one, but John swears it exists.
[3] "We are not exchanging ring fingers instead of rings!"
"Oh come on, it's classic splatterpunk--yeah, okay."

Comments

[amazon-syren.livejournal.com]

If you're really feeling the pressure of Not Wearing Black: Wear oxblood. Some some lovely silk-taffetta thing that's black with purple iridescense, or something like that.

I wore royal blue.

White is for people with fake tans. Ew.
Who wants to be one of them?

And... yeah. The whole industry is freakilly bride-centric. Bend them to your Will! (It's technically possible, although it does take a lot of repeating yourself and turning to your beloved, within ear-shot of whoever needs to be bent, and saying things like "What do you think, honey? This being your wedding, and all?" But it *can* be done).

[torrain.livejournal.com]

Mmmh. Burgundy/wine has always moved me, although I confess I still have no idea what colour my hair will be when I'm married, and that may be a consideration. I really do like it purple.

White kind of does appeal (I'm just backing slowly away from how *much* it's meant to appeal, which it doesn't), but in that way that makes me want to break out the sample sheet of whites we used when picking wallpaint. Gold white, cream white, palest grey, lilac white... *shrug*

Maybe trim or something...?

[amazon-syren.livejournal.com]

According to the lovely people at Various Drugstore Makeup Counters, burgundy is a 'semi-neutral' (like olive green) so it goes with many colours and most people can wear it.
Also, you might try a reddish amethyst (heavy silk, maybe?) which would be close to burgundy/wine, but would also have a hint of purple to it. :-)

There are a fair number of wedding dresses that combine Massive Amounts of White with a crimson or burgundy, or black trim. So it could be done. :-)

(Keep in mind: White will makes us pastey-skinned folk look dead -- Whether your'e going for the corpse-bride look or not. ;-)

[torrain.livejournal.com]

As appealing as the corpse-bride look is, I think I'd be going for something that might be mistaken for white at fifty paces.

(Ivory and burgundy sound kind of nice together. Hrm.)

I need to take a deep calm breath on all this.

[commodorified.livejournal.com]

Oh, wear cloth of gold, why not. :)

[torrain.livejournal.com]

Totally wrong for my skin tone, I'm sure of it. ;)

I figure as long as I remind myself exactly how good a seamstress I'm not, I'll still be safe to look at Threads magazines. (Someone had a wedding dress with a fifty-foot outside-diameter flouce. Hand-tacked and -beaded. Dear *God*.)

[amazon-syren.livejournal.com]

Side note: Are you making your dress? Buying off the rack? Getting someone else to make it?

(If it's the latter, I can *totally* recommend Tracey Vibert. She did my dress, and she's absolutely amazing -- both as a seamstress and as a person to hang out with! And she'll run you significantly cheaper than buying something will -- although not as cheap as if you do it yourself).

So. :-) What's the plan (if there is one yet. ;-)

[torrain.livejournal.com]

I don't even know what I want, yet. Still have not thrown out the idea of co-ordinating separates rather than a dress.

I am probably not making my dress, as I'm pretty sure I'm not that good. Also, it would be stress central.

I am so glad I'm a temp right now. May is about the time government contract work tends to dry up, so I can probably run around like a beheaded chicken without it affecting my job references.

[amazon-syren.livejournal.com]

White-at-fifty-paces sounds good, and burgundy/ivory *is* a nice combination. :-)
Separates are a good idea. I went with a bodice and skirt, rather than a dress, and then wore the bodice to brunch the next day. (Easier for mixing and matching with other stuff later on. :-)

Re: (Not) Making your dress: Agreed about the stress-central. :-)
And, again: tracey is awesome. ;-) (I will endeavor to shut up about her now). :-)

- TTFN,
- Amazon. :-)

[sivi-volk.livejournal.com]

I'm supposed to plan this?..."That would probably be pretty in black"?

Pretty much.

Th ring finer thing reminds me of the BME couple who but off the ends of each other's left ring finger and kept them as vows.

[torrain.livejournal.com]

It's from the end of John Skipp and Craig Spector's The Scream, published in '87. Trailing news snippets at the end; a couple exchange ring fingers instead of rings and declare themselves "married in the eyes of Momma".

Ah, splatterpunk. We hardly knew ye.

[tibialmusician.livejournal.com]

Sadly I as well have heard of the bridezilla thing. Thankfully I managed to avoid seeing it.

[torrain.livejournal.com]

The Google results actually aren't that scary.

[zenten.livejournal.com]

Kerry's wearing red.

[torrain.livejournal.com]

Lucky to have gotten the decision out of the way.

It occurred to me that one advantage of white, should you chose the right fabric, is that it can easily be dyed afterwards...

[zenten.livejournal.com]

I ment for her wedding btw.

[torrain.livejournal.com]

I guessed that. :)

[harald387.livejournal.com]

The solution is clear.

Frances wears the tux. John wears the dress.

We always said he'd make a *great* cross-dresser. What better time to prove it?

-K

[torrain.livejournal.com]

:P Frances is currently not up on the idea of wearing black at her wedding.

It just throws her that she *can't*.

Besides, a wedding dress would probably end up covering up his legs--

--I need to go scrub the image of John in a strapless white sheath dress out of my brain now. I'm not sure he could be unattractive, but it still carries a huge element of wrong.

[waterspyder.livejournal.com]

A long time ago my mom told me "A wedding is just a really big party", I extended this to include "Prom is a trial run for weddings, and we should have learned that there is no such thing as perfect."

Point is, do what makes you happy. Nothing says you can't do anything, and hell, with the white dress, that's like 200 years of tradition that took a 50 year break, and then a 20 year break. Yeah.

I was thinking I look like ass in white, so I was thinking ivory because it complements my complexion a lot better, but then I thought red looks much more awesom on me, and it is the traditional marriage colour in most oriental countries (India, China, etc.) because it represents luck, and well, that works for me. As for my bridesmaids, they all voted on black, and so they can all wear black in the style of dress of their choice. I believe the flower girl will be wearing white unless she declares a desire to wear another colour.

I guess the moral of the story is "It's your wedding, do what you like, especially if it results in stress reduction."

[torrain.livejournal.com]

If I could see it as just a big party, I could get out of it (and would, since I pretty much swore off throwing parties a decade ago), and would have happily filed paperwork with two witnesses last week. But the ritual aspect of it is doing a number on my love of order and sense and protocol.

(Prom was showing up at an event someone else organized to make the point that I damn well could, and then going off to Zaphod's. I don't want that, not least because John doesn't particularly enjoy Zaph's.)

It's not that I can't do anything; it's that I think some of the things I can do aren't appropriate. (See ring fingers.) Hence why I'm willing to assign weight to the truth behind the statement of my not getting to wear black; in the cultural context I best relate to, find appealing, and want to work in, it's poor form.

Which really kind of annoys me, but okay. This seems like an excellent time to start getting the hang of compromise. {:)

[amazon-syren.livejournal.com]

Bridesmaids in black: Yeah, that's what we did, too. :-) *So* much easier, and then they have a handy Little Black Dress that they can wear to fancy events after.
None of this 'doomed-to-the-dress-up-closet' stuff to deal with. ;-)

[torrain.livejournal.com]

*nods* Mom suggested picking a colour, and leaving the choices of shade and cut and what-all to them.

[amazon-syren.livejournal.com]

That's generally a good idea. :-)

Handy thing about specifically black: Most people can't tell the difference between red-black, blue-black, green-black, etc. Whereas red-purple and blue-purple are different enough to look wierd together. ;-)

[mzdemonique.livejournal.com]

I wore ivory and red. Big chunks of red flowers and ribbons and crystals everywhere. I was shiney, because that is what I wanted.
Everyone else was in black; bridesmaids, groomsmen and groom.

Wear whatever your want. Rich and I considered tattoos on ringfingers rather than rings, but that conversation lasted about 5 seconds...

It's really your day, make it reflect who you two are, not who others expect you to be.

[torrain.livejournal.com]

Now where the hell am I supposed to get a zombie flowergirl? ;)

I think I'll be okay. It's just very odd, since who I am does not tend to involve large gatherings. (His family is *huge*. Me, I'm expecting eight from my side, and at least two of those probably won't make it.)

[amazon-syren.livejournal.com]

Re: Zombie Flowergirl: Perhaps a reasonable substitute (say, a really sleepy flower-girl made up in shades of grey and green?) would suffice? ;-)

[mzdemonique.livejournal.com]

Well hell is probably a good place to start looking for zombies...

Our wedding was similar, except I'm the one with the huge family and Rich's family was about 8-10. It worked out fine though, and yours will too.